What Does It Mean To "Have It All?"
When you hear one of the up-and-coming, in-your-face goo-roos (or are they "thought leaders" now?) telling you...
YES YOU CAN HAVE IT ALLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!"...
Nod slowly...then take a moment to look a little deeper into that goo-roo's life and find out what they consider "all" to be.
Related Post: The Secret To Having It All
In the majority of cases you'll be surprised at what you find.
Now I'm not saying a bankrupt, twice-divorced, used-suit-wearing yeller living in a van down by the river can't have insight into what makes relationships last or great investment advice.
But I am saying to be more discerning as to those who get your money and your attention.
SIDEBAR:
When I was a stockbroker waaaaay back in the day, I heard this little bit of wisdom during one of our training sessions:
You know why more stock brokers aren't rich? They don't believe their own B.S."
It's easier to give advice than to follow it and everyone you meet has something they can teach you.
That being said, I prefer to learn from those who walk their talk.
The Truth About The Law of Attraction and The Secret
Thousands of years before Chris Farley made that Saturday Night Live skit, Qoheleth wrote
What has been, that will be;
what has been done,
that will be done.
Nothing is new under the sun!"
~Ecclesiastes 1:9
Keep this quote in mind when you run across schlepers of the next iteration of "The Law of Attraction" and "The Secret."
Most of them are just telling you what you are willing to pay to hear.
These modern day carpetbaggers all mastermind together and figure out what is hot now and how best to package it so you'll gobble it up and swallow it before you notice what you're eating.
Then they cross-promote one another as they say whatever needs to be said to get you to come to their high-priced gig that will be loud and entertaining, but its impact will be short-lived.
If it was long-lasting and effective...you wouldn't need to buy their "New & Improved" version "just in time for Christmas" that will most-assuredly come out six months after the last one you ordered!
The Truth Hurts. Say It Anyway.
When I first wrote this post in 2010, I had the idea for many months but held off because I didn't want to be called "negative" or "seminar-bashing" or any other non-sensical phrase some feel-good but non-thinking, under-performing cult-following-donator might call me after reading this post.
But two things happened in the last 24 hours (back in 2010) that pushed me over the edge.
- I conducted some private coaching for a very nice lady that did some inside sales and customer service work for an insurance client of mine.
We worked on a simple, honest script for calling existing clients with whom she admitted having great relationships.
The objective of the call was to merely ask for a referral.
She even blocked out time on her calendar to do so yesterday "but never got around to doing" the exact, step-by-step, proven work needed to achieve her goals. - I'm up early this morning and in looking up an associate on Facebook I ran across a "self help/motivational" goo-roo with a nice "power" photo and Facebook Fan Page.
As I checked out this person's website I saw the timeless title, "What if you could have it all?"
After I rolled my eyes I looked up this person's background and found out she is 39 years old and single.
"So, Wes, are you saying only people in relationships 'have it all'?"
No, that's not what I'm saying.
But His Excellency, George Strait, sang something along those lines...and who am I to argue with King George?
"Had a nice little life
A little boat, a little beach, a little routine I liked
A blue ocean view, free to go with the flow anywhere that I wanted to
But the moment you set foot on my shore that's when I knew
There's a difference in living and living well
You can't have it all, all by yourself
Something's always missing 'til you share it with someone else
And there's a difference in living and living well
'Til you sailed with me, thought that I had it good as good as it could be
From the back of my deck caught a fish caught a breeze
And a thousand red sunsets
But sitting here with you girl I just saw the best one yet
There's a difference in living and living well
You can't have it all, all by yourself
Something's always missing 'til you share it with someone else
There's a difference in living and living well
My days are brighter
My sky a deeper blue
My nights are sweeter
When I'm with you
There's a difference in living and living well
You can't have it all, all by yourself
Something's always missing 'til you share it with someone else
There's a difference in living
I thought I was living
There's a difference in living and living well
Living well, I'm living well."
Wins and Losses Are Best Experienced With Others
But by experiencing (and enduring?) all that being married since 1995 and going through 10 pregnancies with my wife that resulted in seven deliveries of healthy babies and three miscarriages entails, I can tell you that God got it right when he said that it was not good that man was alone and decided to make him a partner.
(And by looking at the countless selfies the self-help guru posts of herself sitting alone in her car, maybe she doesn't yet have it all.)
After reading these two scenarios you may be tempted to conclude that the first lady could be cured/healed/delivered/enlightened by attending the high-priced workshop of the second lady.
Lady #1 would then feel better about herself, which would EMPOWER HER to make the calls, which would lead to more referrals, which would lead to more sales, which would lead to endless income, which would enable her to finally HAVING IT ALL!!!
To which I reply...MAYBE.
Do What Successful Salespeople Do To Become a Successful Salesperson
Sure, some people will pay their hundreds or even thousands of dollars, raise their arms and scream and hug and cry together and go back to their offices all alone, pick up the phone and just start calling people because they are sooooooo POSITIVE!
But most won't.
Most will be pissed off before they leave the parking lot because some insensitive, "less-aware" jerk cut them off as they were exiting the smoke-blowing-high-five-your-neighbor-and-rub-their-shoulders session.
Here's the "cure" for the lady in the first example—and you, too, if you're not making enough prospecting calls: actions create feelings.
Most people delude themselves into justifying their inaction by saying
- "When I feel better...I'll make more calls."
- "When I get my business cards...I'll make more calls."
- "When I get my new computer...I'll work on my inbound marketing content."
- "When I get my new software...I'll create my new inbound selling post."
You're majoring in the minors.
You're waiting for that "good feeling," which may never come.
Jump Into The Deep End...You'll Learn How To Swim
Stop looking for some magic potion or workshop or CD to make you "feel" better so you'll FINALLY HAVE IT ALL!
Just get going and you'll feel better!
Even if your first steps are wrong.
Even if your opening lines are wrong.
Even if your first email is wrong.
GET STARTED because you can't steer a parked car.
Wanna know the REAL SECRET to prospecting and sales success, which will lead you towards at least having it all in business?
Create a script and follow it.
When you know what to say and you know you are saying it to the correct audience you will be relaxed.
When you have a relaxed conversation, people will not only listen to you, but you will listen to them.
When you learn to listen to the needs of the people with whom you are speaking, you will find opportunities to serve.
The more you serve your marketplace, the more successful you will be.
And when you are successful, you will feel better.
When you feel better, you'll not only feel like you can have it all you'll feel like you do indeed have it all because being happy, feeling fulfilled, knowing that you are truly serving your customers, really is having it all.
Look Closely Before You Leap Into a "Guru's" Lap
Now let's take a look at the "guru" in #2 above.
She looks like a nice individual.
She has nice whitened teeth, nice bleached hair, recent botox, and wears a nice big diamond on her right hand.
Her photos are nice and she hangs out with other apparently materialistically successful single men and women with nice spray-on tans, nice breast augmentations, nice veneers on their teeth, all in their late 30's to early 50's.
They all cross-promote one another nicely and have "awesome" high-priced, feel-good workshops where you breathe in through your ears and out through your fingers (or something like that).
They are all into yoga (they're spiritual but not religious, not realizing that they are religious about their yoga), are gluten-free, dairy-free, and eat free-range, hormone-free meat—if they eat meat at all—and pesticide-free veggies to fuel them for their afternoon Crossfit regime.
After a quick shower followed by 37 selfies at the hot new nightclub they go home alone to an empty house where they share a few more selfies eating non-dairy ice cream with their designer puppy before slipping off into a restless sleep.
So does she really have it all?
Gain The World...Lose Your Soul?
In Matthew 16:26 Jesus asks
What profit would there be for one to gain the whole world and forfeit his life? Or what can one give in exchange for his life?"
As social media expands it gives us the opportunity to see inside the daily—and nightly—life of many of our fellow citizens, we see via the Instagram and Snapchat Stories of many that Thoreau was right when he wrote
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
Is it any wonder so many are desperate?
We're looking for happiness in expensive watches or Italian sports cars or private jets or tummy tucks or face lifts or avoiding becoming pregnant by any and all means available or night clubs and booze and drugs.
(Reminds me of Johnny Lee's hit in 1990.)
Is it even possible to "have it all?"
What constitutes "all"?
Do you really want it all? Where the heck would you store it all?
(If you had it all, wouldn't you want to share it with someone you love?)
If you really want to have it all, work on your relationship with God. (And, yes, He does exist! And, yes, if you need to be "religious" about your workout routine to get the most growth out of your hour at the gym, you also need to be religious about your spiritual growth as well. I'm just sayin'.)
He's the real "SECRET!"
He's the original and real "Law of Attraction." (Heck, He created gravity, which attracts us all to this planet, and we still can't explain why gravity exists. We just know it does.)
As you enter that quiet time during your spiritually religious time, allow time for both "Q&A."
But remember that you're the one with the questions, God's the one with the answers.
Ask Him to help you work on your relationships at home, which may require cutting off some of the relationships you have outside the home.
When things are good at home, you can face the challenges of the world with much greater resiliency, success and satisfaction.
So when you get right with God, get right with your family, and then get right with your clients you really will have it all.
If you need a referral to someone to help you get right with God, I know some good people across the US that can help.
Ditto on the family issues.
Now go sell something.
